I'm struggling with my boys and how to discipline them. I'm on the verge of tears right now and they are both sitting upstairs (not in the same room) in timeout. I think my biggest problem right now is them not listening to directions. I feel as though I must ask 100 times to do something before they will do it. Also, I can't stand listening to back talk and I feel like I need some new tactics to deal with that little problem as well. Usually, I end up yelling before anything happens and I feel like I'm an ornery Mom for most of the day. Sooo not fun.Please, I'm begging you. How do you discipline your kids? What tactics work well? Is there some sort of book anyone recommends? Also while were on the subject. What about a rewards system? If you use one, what it is like? And could you include examples of rewards that your kids like? What I'm doing is not working and I feel like I need a new direction. Pretty please, advise.
Thanks in advance,
Britney
13 comments:
oh brit!
I'm so so sorry! I know exactly how you feel. I do have a book.. If I can find it I'll bring it over. Its more for mom, helping you remember to stay calm.
Something that I've found that works sooo good is I give the a couple choices. For example... today the were hitting in the car (like always) and I said, "You can keep hitting and loose a christmas gift or you can be nice and listen so you dont' loose a gift! you can guess what they chose.
We also take things away. If they dont' do what we ask we don't do what they ask. No ice cream until you've cleaned your room.
Good Luck! I feel for you!!! I'll bring over that book if you want it.
loves!!!
man, I am with you. The combination of Mariko's birthday and Christmas all in a week span is putting her in hyper mode, which equals not listening mode. So frustrating! Luckily I can use the "santa's watching" thing, but that ends soon.
Usually I just use the "that makes mom soooo happy!" vs "mom feels so so sad when you didn't listen to me". The guilt trips work well!!!
I'll be tuning in to see others tactics.
I am definitely not very experienced in this area, but I did read a book that I really liked. In fact, I noticed on Rachael's blog that her school had something centered around the book or rather the book's disciplinary approach. It is called 1-2-3 Magic. I actually didn't read the whole book because I had to return it to the library. I did read the part about getting kids to stop doing things. I didn't read the part about getting kids to do things. I liked it because it seemed very specific (tells you exactly what to do), yet it is very adaptable to every parenting style. It sounds really cheesy, but it really does work magic! In fact, I think I will check it out from the library right now....
I so know how you feel, I have gone through this with my boys and I just want to pull my hair out.
Have you heard of the book, Love and Logic, I like the concepts that are talked about in it.
Another thing that we do in our house is a marble system, we have white (clear) marbles that you get for helping, putting toys away, being good, etc then we have green marbles those are for when you do something for each other like if Michael makes Jackson's bed we will give him a green one, then we have a multi colored one that is called a "gooey" those you get if you leave your dishes at the table, or you make a mess and don't clean it up, basically for not following a "house rule" which we also set up and hung up. So then every Monday night during Family Home Evening the boys get their jars and we count marbles, if for example they get 5 gooeys then we take 5 white marbles then we count how many green and white marbles they have, when they both combined have 20 marbles together then they get to have a ice cream party, then the white marbles we count out and they can either pick things out of a prize basket I have and I put on the prize how many marbles it costs or they can choose to get 10 cents for each marble they have. So that's what we do, I also have one of those chore boards for each boy that you can find at Target, I put their chores on it and they also earn 10 cents for each chore they do, I will also put something like talking back or whatever we are having issues with and they don't get a magnet that day if they talk back or whatever it is.
Sorry this is so long, I don't know if this will help it's helped a lot for us since I've started doing this.
Keep us updated on how things go and what you do!!
Great idea! love what has been posted! I have tried most of it or something kind of the same and it all works for a while at our house, but what I have loved is MY reward jar. I give myself a reward (we use pom poms) when I don't lose it or I have had a great moment of self control, but the boys love it too because they like to try and make me happy so they can reward ME! You are doing a great job keep it up and I will be checking back to see what other tips get added!
Oh Brit - I'm so, so sorry..I can really tell that you are at your wit's end. Since my bean isn't fully ripened yet, I don't have personal experience. I do know that my parents used the time-out step (my mom hated being a yeller too). If I was fighting with a sibling, she made us put our noses together to fight or sing instead of yell..then we would start laughing. My parents were great at guilt tripping though!
1,2,3 Magic is a great book and so is,... oh crap I forgot the name. I'll get back to you. Anywho, there are great books and advice, but good ole consistency works the best. It is also so hard to do, but when they know exactly what to expect they are least likely to push your buttons. Then again, I am the onw of the worst people to give advice. Being Mom is hard, I need some cheesecake. Catch yah later.
I have a lot on love and logic if you want to try that! it is really interesting!
Sorry I cant help here Brit....you will have to tell me what you find! Good luck, you are a great mom!
Oh wow...I wish that I had great advice for you at the moment. but I too seem to be struggling right now myself. My kids are kicking my butt right now...for lack of a better phrase...I know one of my big probs is that I am always tired...I need to go to bed earlier and wake up a happier person. I would say my advice to myself is...Pray! I know I don't do it enough...but I know when I do I feel more calm and can "deal" a little better...I know it sounds totally cheesy but I really think that is my goal!
P.S. Wait till Brynn is one...my one year old is way too busy!
I hear you Brit! It might have something to do with the Holiday
Season. I know my nerves are on edge and I think that rubs off on the kiddos. You would think I would be good at giving ideas seeing how it is my new profession, but I am struggling just like everyone else. I have read a lot and worked with many
children. I have decided that the best thing to do is to love them and constantly pray for guidance as a parent. Each child is unique with different needs. I think you are an excellent mom and I sure do love your kids. Hang in there!
Brit, Oh we have all so been there and I am pretty much constantly living in that same situation. I hate it when I get so frustrated and blow up over the little dumb things but it just get really hard. Jaycob once asked me why I always growl at him, I do the Marge Simpson growl, that was really hard to hear.
I love the Marble jar idea I will have to take that one. My problem is being consistent I think. What I have done is a chore chart I made. I just found pictures of little things like a bed (make your Bed) dishes (help in the kitchen) Homework and Toys (pick up your toys). I think the visual helps more then the words cause Logan cant read. But he really knows what his chores are. Yet, the trick is getting him to willingly do them. They earn video game time because lets be honest they are addicted to it and want to play for 12 hours a day. So if they do their chores they can earn up to 45 minutes together playing. But they can lose it for fighting or talking back. Some days it works great and others not so much.
I also love the idea of rewarding mom for being good!
I agree with the 1 2 3 magic book. It works so well with my 4 year old. Your boys are at a great age to understand the technics in this book. Now I always hear parents in the store say, "thats one..." (you'll get that once you've read the book. Good Luck!
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